To Whom it may concern

Dear Makers of Elf on a Shelf,

Seriously! This Elf - he's killing me!

I see adorable photos ALL OVER my Facebook and Instagram feed of this lil guy doing clever things: he's wearing adorable costumes, getting into cute mischief, making childhood magic.  I wish I was THAT mom, I'd love to be that mom -  but let me be honest here,  I am soooo not that mom! However, mom guilt.  Modern-pintrest-social media-make every moment fucking magical- mom guilt...give me a good reason to pull out my credit card and solve his one like the consumer driven woman that I am.

Here's what I need to participate in this "tradition" and go back to sleeping peacefully in December.

I'd like a kit - 12 days.  I'm not even gonna fool myself into believing i'll be starting this the day after Thanksgiving.  I just won't.  In fact I'm a procrastinator with a busy schedule and a full brain so I'd like to be able to get this kit via Amazon Prime and within 48 hours.  Pretty please.  If you could just auto refill this yearly and charge my card, that'd be great too.

Please make sure to include a clean napkin.
Most weeks I still forget to buy toilet paper.

I would like the kit to model that of Blue Apron.  Give me 12 days of photos, accessories and detailed instructions on how to dress and hide that little guy.  Leave nothing to my over taxed imagination.

Bonus points if you can also include wine to fill my modern advent calendar. Because Holidays.


 Kindly Yours,

Adorable! Will you please add in a magic
sponge so that I can put this one on social media.

One of my favorites! Can you please include the flour.
Or maybe a pre-made mix of some sort so that my kids find
this one plausible. 

Kristi