Anyone else ever have ghost conversations with their kids? I know there's so much to teach them and I find myself daydreaming, getting my spiel down. I've got these two little humans and man I don't want to fuck them up. I probably will - just a little bit, but my goal is to send them out into the world well adjusted, functional and mostly happy. I say "mostly" happy because I tend to think that being happy is an illusion. You will have rolling waves of happiness in life - like the tides. In and out, happy and unhappy. Some of this will be a result of your choices, your values and your attitude (and brain chemistry) and some of it will just be life. Get used to it.
I figure I'll cover all the bases now, while they are toddlers, and then leave it to my husband to do the refresher course when they are pain-in-the-ass teens. I'll write the rough draft and he can do the final edit. Cheers baby! Thanks! *I'm kidding. I'm too mouthy to sit these out
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| Balance babies - you need to find balance |
On Sex: As a mom I would love to lead here with: Wait until you are married. But one day my oldest will do the math on his birthday and our wedding and he'll discover all three of us were there. So I'll go with what I think is honest. Sex is fun. Sex is way more fun when it's with someone you really love who loves you back. Dare I say it's a completely different experience when it's rooted in love. Value yourself and don't sell yourself to the lowest bidder. Sex won't make you cooler or popular or more valued - it wasn't designed to be a commodity to be exchanged for status. It was designed to bring you pleasure and to allow you to give pleasure so, pick your partners wisely and be choosy. Sex is a beautiful experience, don't cheapen it. Above all else YOU are in charge. YOU get to pick. YOU get to say yes or no and YOU are expected to respect others when they say yes or no. Also, condoms. Sex is how babies are made and you never know who's walking around with a quiet case of the clap - be responsible.
On Drugs: Anyone who tells you drugs aren't fun is lying through their little lie hole. Drugs are fun, that's one of the reasons people do them. You'll see friends doing drugs and they'll look like they are having a blast and you'll think "I want in on that." Here's the things: While they are fun, nothing is ever without consequence. Drugs can ruin your life in an instant. RUIN! YOUR! LIFE! No one wants to go down in the history books as the guy who ate a strangers face while tripping on bath salts. And you don't want to spend the rest of your life battling an addiction. It will devastate you. If you must, smoke some pot when you're grown and out of my house - but until then just don't. It really isn't all it's cracked up to be and yes - sometimes it just takes one hit, one line, one instance and it's game over. Value yourself more than that, do not gamble with your life or your future. You are worth the world! Please. If you're ever in a situation that you want out of just text your dad or I an and "x" and we'll make up a family emergency and come get you faster than you can say "duuude - I could go for some fourth meal right about now!" Learning how to say no when everyone else is saying yes isn't easy, so let us help you until you get there.
On Alcohol: This can kill you or someone else. Alcohol is meant to be respected and consumed with respect for your body. If you plan to drink don't you dare get in the car and drive or sit passenger in someone else's car who's been drinking. That's what cabs are for. USE THEM! Alcohol is not an answer to your problems - if you go looking at the bottom of a bottle for answers they will all be lies. I promise. Also, no one wants to be the kid peeing or puking in the corner. Know your limits. Respect your limits.
On Friendship: You aren't going to like everyone and not everyone will like you. Don't take it too personally if you aren't someone's cup of tea. It happens. This is what makes real and true friendship so special. Value your friends, be honest, be thoughtful. Be kind and respectful to others - always! Be kind even when you dislike the person and choose not to remain friends. It is possible to part ways peacefully. If someone else shows you their crazy you don't have to match them with your crazy - you have a choice. The people you surround yourself with will reflect and help shape the person that you are - so pick wisely grasshopper.
On Honesty: Sometimes being honest is going to be really hard, and really suck and be super uncomfortable. This is usually when it's the most important. Be honest. Be honest with yourself and with others. It makes life as a whole go better. Stand up for what you believe in and be willing to consider your view points.
On Accountability: You are going to fail. You are going to mess up. You are going to make poor choices. You are going to have emotional meltdowns. Everyone at some point does. OWN THIS. Be strong enough to admit when you're wrong, to apologize when you wronged someone else, to learn from your poor choices and to be responsible for your own emotions. YOUR life is a culmination of your thoughts, your words, your actions - no one else's. Know this, live this. You are also not expected to be on the shit end of someone who can't accept accountability. Set a standard for how you wish to be treated by how you treat others and then remember - you get to pick your friends and partners.
On Work: Integrity, honesty and ethics always count! Don't be fooled by anyone who tells you differently. Most people don't really get to work a job they love. It's okay to just like your job. Find work you are good at, that challenges you and that will support your lifestyle. If you get to be passionate at work that's a bonus. Consider yourself lucky.
On Tone of Voice: That shit matters! It's not always about what you say, it's sometimes about how you say it. Don't play me for a fool. No one gets tone better than your mom. Now stop whining.
On Attitude: It's okay to be sad, angry, out-of-sorts and frustrated but don't let those be your ruling emotions. If you run into more than 3 shitty people in one day it's time to look in the mirror. Be grateful! You are blessed. Having it all really isn't the answer - just look at the story of the Buddha or the Menendez brothers. Very different outcomes but both grew up with everything they could have imagined and the road of excess didn't lead them to happiness. Be grateful and be willing to serve your community and help those who need help.
On Fear: Trust your gut. If someone or something sends off bells and alarms, do not doubt that!!! You have been given intuition as a tool - use it. However don't get paralyzed by fear of change or fear of the unknown. Sometimes going outside of your comfort zone is the only way to step into the next chapter.
On Marriage: If I ask you why you want to marry someone you'd better have a better answer than "they treat me really good." THAT my darlings should be standard-fucking-issue!! Would you be impressed if a car sales man went "oh look - this one comes with a steering wheel." No, no you wouldn't - that's standard issue. Anyone you give your time to should treat you well and if they don't then they don't deserve your time or your attention. YOU WILL NOT CHANGE SOMEONE! Find someone who sees the world in a similar way. Find someone who values you and what you are about. Find someone who you value and respect. Find someone who is willing to work just as hard as you to make life go. Find someone who will make you laugh. Romantic love fades, life gets hard, kids change the dynamic, money will come and go - pick someone worthy of weathering all the storms! Then work at it and never take them for granted. Don't forget, they have a choice too. Divorce sucks! It really does.
On the Hard Shit: There are going to be plot twists you won't like, turns you'd rather not have made, experiences you could do without. This is part of the design - roll with it. When there are more questions than answers and more tears than laughter find your family. We will always be here to hold your hand and to listen and to cry with you. You don't ever have to walk the shit path alone.
On Excueses: They are annoying and see through. Try not to make them.
Okay husband - I did the intro course. The teen years are all you! xoxo
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