The Minimalist & The Hoarder; A Love Story

Hello.  My name is Kristi and I have a mom2mom problem.  Or so I am told.  

If selling all the junk in my house (for pennies on the dollar) and freeing up valuable closet space is wrong, then I don't want to be right! 

If you are not on the Facebook mom2mom, garage sale & swap sites you are totally missing out! I may never buy another new thing again.  Seriously, I'm challenging myself every single time I "need" something to look there first.  With over 20,000 people now at my fingertips my odds of finding exactly what I want are pretty darn good.

My greatest finds to date: 

An Insta Pot NIB (new in box) $60.  Crosley record player $25. Pancake griddle $2.  Pretty much anything me or my kids are wearing. 

This might just be the greatest thing to happen to FB! Ever! So what if on occasion my husband has been roped into delivering a large item in our truck, after work, without notice, because my crazy got out of control.  We just made $8 and cleaned out a closet. You're welcome! 

What used to be a burden to get rid of is now easy.  That old swing set - snap a photo and hit publish. Within 30 minutes at least 50 people are ready to come haul it away and pay you to do so!! You just sit back (on that new-to-you Adirondack chair) with an IPA and watch that puppy leave.  Thanks for the two-hundo dude!

Lawn furniture you can't stand the site of? Clothes your kids outgrew? Patio bricks? Someone wants it!  Winner winner.

You should see the listings the day after Christmas.  The photos taken in front of the Christmas tree are my favorites.  I imagine the scene plays out like this:

Stranger: Oh!!! I LOOOOOOOOVE it! Let me just snap a quick photo and send it to my friend to show her.....[and listed].  $20 NWT 

If you'd driven by my house last week you may have seen my 3 year old on a rescue mission.  He stole the sold hipitty-hop off the front porch and there he went bouncing down the street like a mad man.  First time in a year he played with it.  I just taught him the word "hoarder".  

Looking for something specific? I go ISO (in search of) daily.  I usually find it.  Right now I'm ISO a washer for my aunts cottage.  I found 3 good options in 24 hours.  It just gets my thrifty adrenaline flowing!

This past winter, when I saw my poor husband snow blowing 3 feet of snow in ratty sneakers, I got to work.  Because love.

ME: Baby, I got you snow boots...you're a size 12 right? 

Husband: Yes, where did you find these? They are ugly as fuck.

Me: Love, your feet are currently cold and wet. They were $10, and she said her husband NEVER wore them! They look really waterproof and warm.  Just say thank you! 

Husband: [rolls eyes] I bet he never wore them. [more eye rolls]

I'm on these sites so often now that I now have a good idea of what sells for how much.  Obviously a great use of my time and skills.  "Lady you want $60 for THAT baby swing?? It's not even a MOMAROO! You trollin'.  

However, last week I "Allegedly" crossed the line and my husband threatened an intervention.

I left my offspring alone for mere minutes and they ransacked the joint.  It looked like the FBI tore the house apart looking for whatever it is the FBI looks for when they shred couches and empty out full drawers.  I blacked out - I just stated listing shit! No toy was safe, no closet untouched.  

Old toys - gone! 

The day that will forever be known as
"the day I sold the shower rod"

Old bedding - gone!

Knick Knacks we have had in basement storage - pictures taken - EUC $2 - publish.

Junk drawers sorted.  Winner takes all for $3. listed! Sold! 

Then I came upon the NIB curved shower rod we purchased FOUR years ago.  My husband swears three but I really recall FOUR! FOUR DAMN YEARS!  I got excited! I can sell this - hell NIB always sells. Let me just snap a quick photo...there, done. listed.

NIB Shower Rod. $8 PPU. 

As predicted, that baby sold lightening fast! I wrote her name on it and stuck it on the porch for pickup.  After so many years I figured we could let this one go.  Did I lowball myself? Maybe but mama just wanted that closet clean.  This right here was low hanging fruit. 

My lovely hubby arrived home from work early.  He loves that our front porch is now one old school bus away from looking like we live in the Appalachian mountains. Currently there is an old dog crate that I garbage picked (being picked up today) a crib (also going today) and there was an Ikea dresser (left yesterday), then the piles of old clothes in tied up bags, the toys labeled for their new owners and the occasional home item we no longer need. I basically look like I'm having a garage sale.  On my porch.  At any given moment.  So here he comes, home from work and our porch, again, looks like I just evicted someone.  I felt accomplished! He felt annoyed.  He came into the house to see the war zone that was me cleaning everything, all at once, and poured a whiskey.  That's when he saw it from the window, his shower rod.  On the porch of shame. 

Mark: WTF? You sold my shower rod? 

Me: Um huh.  You're welcome babe.  Now you have more room in your closet. 

Mark: Kristi, I told you not to touch my stuff when you go crazy! How much did you sell it for?

Me: [I knew by the tone of his voice that there was no number was going to be high enough so I chickened out and lied] Ummm.....I don't recall....like $12

Mark: LIAR! You sold it for EIGHT! I see it written down right here (he waves my spread sheet in front of me) Kristi this has to stop! That was like $40 and you sold it for EIGHT!!!!! 

Me: Babe, every time I ask you to hang it you tell me a reason why it can't be hung. 

Mark: THAT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO HANG IT THEN!!!! I'LL GET TO IT.

That look I get when I start drinking and selling
Pure bliss! 

There were more words exchanged.  An intervention threatened.  So there I went, tail between my legs, to the porch of shame (or glory. Perspective) to rescue his shower rod.  I messaged the woman and kindly told her she could no longer have it and why. She was gracious. It made me wonder about all those great deals I found and how many arguments those may have started.  

Stranger: Baby where is the bread maker? I feel like a homemade loaf with dinner. 

Strangers wife: Oh I sold that.  We use it like twice a year, I wanted the space back. 

Stranger: YOU SOLD IT!!! WHEN?? FOR HOW MUCH??? WTF!!! 

Strangers wife: Like 3 months ago for $10.  We never use it!

And here I am, eating a slice of homemade bread while I write this. You can't buy a box of wine for $10! Did I need a bread maker? Not really, but it makes me feel like one of those moms who makes their own yogurt or cheese and sews shit.  Those moms probably have their shit together and kids who nap and get bathed more often than Sunday...I should look today for a yogurt maker....

So as I stated before if you aren't swapping, selling and buying your neighbors used shit, you're totally missing out! Somewhere, someone was given a yogurt maker as a wedding gift and there it sits, collecting dust, waiting for me to offer them $5 for it.  What a wonderful time to be alive!