Parenting can be such a drag sometimes. All these damn rules and guidelines and "suggestions" it's enough to make me want to drop my kids off at some baby boarding school and pick them up when they are 18.
"Don't smoke in a car with a baby!"
"Don't leave your kid in a hot car with the windows up!"
"Wear a helmet!"
"Use a carseat!"
"Feed them healthy foods!"
"Limit sugar!"
"Limit screen time!"
"Apply non toxic products!"
Well shit. It's almost as if we are supposed to be learning from the parents who came before us and that we've been challenged to do it better. Annoying.
Why can't I roll around town, with my car windows up, clam baking my Malboros? I bet a cool beer would pair well with that - kids riding free in the back seat. It would make it so much easier for them to eat the stale french fries off the floor of the car if they weren't restricted by that damn safety harness.
Who has time for all this science and facts? Who cares that childhood cancer is up 20% since the 80's? It probably has nothing to do with our environment. Who cares that Europe has banned 1400 chemicals that have been proven to cause long lasting and devastating health effects on our kids. I think it's great the US has only banned 11 chemicals and hasn't revisited this legislation since 1938 - no one likes a party pooper! Take that Europe! Science schmience.
We have learned so much about the devastating effects of second hand smoke. Remember when doctors used to tell pregnant women to smoke to avoid weight gain. Ahh, the good old days! I made these babies so shouldn't I be allowed to blow that cloud into their small little faces? Why should I have to evolve past the parenting standard of care of the 70's? What's a little second hand smoke?
1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer - this is up from the 1 in 20 that were diagnosed in the 60's but the number of women who carry a genetic link to breast cancer hasn't changed. Research shows that women with breast cancer have a higher level of parabens in their breast tissue then those without breast cancer but didn't we already agree "f**k science." Parabens for EVERYONE! YOU GET A PARABEN, YOU GET A PARABEN - EVERYONE GETS A PARABEN!!!
The rate of autism, allergies, ADHD and asthma is on a fast rise in our country and those pesky researchers keep saying that there's a strong likelihood that it's environmental. We are reassured OVER and OVER that's it's not the vaccines but I say NO VACCINES for my kids! Now, can someone please pick me up a Costco case of Johnson & Johnson baby powder? I hear that shit is amazing! To all the researchers, I say take that degree, and fancy shmancy brain and go. I hear there's a little mass of land across the pond that likes those negative studies, but NOT us!
Science has PROVEN that there are 4 ingredients in most sunscreens that are health concerns, I say "who gives a shit!" I prefer to slather my kids in the cheapest, most toxic sunscreen possible because you know, I have to draw a line somewhere.
40% MORE women ages 18-24 are having a harder time getting pregnant or maintaining a pregnancy then in 1982. Eh, dumb luck! I'm sure there isn't any link to the chemicals that disrupt our hormones. I'm so sure that all this science is bunk that I'm going to chance it with my daughter and her ovaries. She'll thank me someday! I'm sure of it.
I don't know about you but I'd rather use my parenting energy to focus on things like participation ribbons, Pinterest worthy birthday parties, making sure that I have the best photographer booked for her cake smash photo shoot (for birthdays 1-18) and tracking down the perfect mommy & me matching outfits. All the best preschools have the loooongest wait list - how will I show how seriously I take this parenting thing If I can't get my kids into the "right" school. This is exhausting! I read an article on how kids shouldn't be made to share these days, it takes away from their ability to learn and identify with what's theirs. Teaching my kids not to share doesn't leave me with enough time to focus on crap like nutritious foods, or bullshit like age appropriate carseats or harmful chemicals. Don't even get me started on helmets!
I'm a big fan of "you do you" and rarely (if ever) have given another mom parenting advice. Who cares if you breast fed, or bottle fed or wore your baby or pulled her around in a homemade cart... just don't bother me with all this "health and safety data", and "facts", and "statistics". Boring.
If there's one thing that really burns me up, really gets me going, really ruffles my feathers it's learning from the past, evolving. Who has time for that - parenting is hard enough without trying to make all these educated decisions.
On a serious note: I wrote this after reading an article circulating FB today that poked fun of the moms who care about what sunscreen they use on their kids, because you know, all out of f**cks. As a Beautycounter consultant I NEVER want to make someone feel like if they do not purchase from BC then they are all going to die! That's absurd. What's not absurd, is the mission, passion and determination behind a company that is fighting for safe products. There is science, and data, and facts to back up the idea that certain chemicals have NO business in our products! Is every chemical bad? No. Does that mean that you MUST run out and replace every thing in your home? No. Does that mean you are a bad mom if you don't? No. Will I shame you if organic foods and clean products aren't on your list of things to care about? No. (But then don't shame me if those are on my list) Is Beautycounter the ONLY safe line of products? NO! But similarly to what we now know about smoking, or second hand smoke, or carseat safety or safe sleeping for babies - we are learning more and more about these chemicals, their effects and their undeniable outcomes. If you're all out of fucks at the end of the day, that's fine. You do you. But as for me, I'll focus my attention on making the best possible choices for MY kids, with the information at hand, because science. Now the participation trophies - those you can have back.
