So? How Was It?

Have you ever had an experience that was just impossible to sum up, but everyone's first question is "how was it"?

I went on an impromptu camping trip my senior year of college instead of taking my final exams. 

A few details:  Yes, I did not graduate, and I wouldn't for another six years.  No, I was not failing out or even close to failing out.  No, I do not have a good excuse - in fact my only reasoning was that I just wasn't in the mood to take an exam that day, and this sounded more fun. Yes, classic 20 something Kristi.  Yes, my parents deserve an award.  Yes, during the story that you are about to read George and Jan believed (with no reason not to) that I was 2 hours away, at school, like everyone else, taking my exams and preparing to walk.  Anyways, I digress....

So I went on this road trip, first to the Kentucky Derby and then on a backcountry camping trip. We hiked into the Smoky Mountains from Gatlinburg - me, the guy I was seeing and his friend.  (Again, sorry parents. ) Anyways, after a good days hike into the mountain, we awoke to freezing temps, pouring rain, a soaked and leaking tent, horrible thunderstorms and an overall shitty day.  After what felt like a few hours of misery hoping the storm would pass, and some deliberation, we packed up and started to hike out to the next camp site - which was an actual shelter.  A mile in we were met with flash flooding coming off the top of the mountain and our path was now an uncrossable and rushing little river.  The storms picking up, the winds got colder and we decided "fuck it" lets hike out for the car.  A few miles in the opposite direction and we were again met with flash flooding, and a new raging river cutting right into our trail.  If you've never hiked in the backcountry you should know that alternate routes are not always easy to come by.  We were essentially trapped. 

What we didn't know at the time was that tornado storms (that had not been predicted) had blown in and there were tornados' touching down all over.  

We decided to attempt a leap-frog escape.  We repacked our bags, the guys taking the essentials and I was going to climb down the steep side of the mountain and try to wedge my backpack between two boulders.  We'd use that bridge to then cross the river.  In the rain.  On wet and slick rock.  It didn't end well. 

I don't recall all the details and I've retold the story so many times that it seems surreal at this point but I lost my footing and I slipped off the wall of rock I was climbing down and went into the freezing, raging river - still wearing my backpack.  I think I just started clawing at the rocks as I was swept down stream.  The guys I was with went running after me.  I remember looking up and seeing a look of fear in E's eye as he lunged for me.  I never want to be on the receiving end of that look again.  The river that I fell into swept around a bend and then fell off into a dramatic waterfall.  All of this was far too close for my comfort.  I'm a pretty big fan of life.  E somehow grabbed ahold of my pack and flung me up onto the rocks.  It was pretty terrifying for everyone involved. 

After that we took only our two man tent, left a pack there at the tail head, and we looked for the highest and most secure ground we could find to setup.  Then we did what you do when someone falls into hypothermic water and you're trapped in 35 degree rain - we got naked and spooned.  And prayed.  And talked.  And miraculously, no one lost their shit.  It was all kind of amazing for three college kids, who barely knew each other, and collided into this crazy moment.  

I don't know how many hours went by - the storms went on all night.  When they cleared the next morning it was so beautiful out, not a cloud in the sky! Almost everything around us had been washed away and was now a small stream of mountain water and mud.  The guys went to hang up our wet sleeping bags and soaked clothing to dry on the bear lines - they were just shy of waist deep in now flooded waters.  

While I was up at our tent cleaning it out, I heard whistles being blown from the direction where we had left the backpack.  Wearing only my tiva's and E's fleece I went running, full throttle, up the hill to see 3 badass park rangers smiling at me from across the raging river.  I swear one of them wiped away a tear.  They told us later how bad the storms had been and that they had tried to hike out to us but had to turn back for their own safety.  The other hikers on that trail had been pulled out safely - it was just us they were out looking for.  

The water between us was too loud to be heard shouting back and forth, so we played a quick game of charades and I understood they needed me to go get the others and bring them back there.  By the time I'd returned they had a walkie-talkie in a pastic bag on a rope, ready to be tossed over to us.  They also gave us dry clothes, a dry blanket and food.  They were awesome! One of them lit a Marlboro Red, I think I fell in love.  Then I asked for a dry smoke and he tossed me the pack.  If that ranger had proposed, I'd of said yes.  

They had a mixed bag of news for us. 

Bad News: You're trapped.  You're not in a place we can get a helicopter in easily/safely/reasonably and we can't build a bridge.  This shit happens and since no one is critically injured, you're gonna have to wait a day or two for this river to go down and hike your own asses out.  They tied a rope off to a tree and fed it over to us, we did the same.  We'd use that line to help us cross the river when the water went down.  They also took down our parents names and numbers so that they could contact them.  Awesome.  Mine weren't home so they left a message on the answering machine. 

"Hi, this is Ranger Rick - I just wanted to let you know that we have located your daughter but we are unable to get to them to pull them out.  They seem to be in high spirits (that's a verbatim.  That sentence was my sisters favorite part of the entire ordeal, and chances are that we were in fact, stoned) and we've given them food.  They should be able to hike out in a few days."

My two younger sisters heard the message first.  Knowing they pretty much just won at being the favorites they eagerly passed the message along to my parents. 

So yeah, that's how they first found out I wouldn't be graduating that year.  Ranger Rick, on the answering machine, while they thought I was 2 hours away.  I'm a dick.  Moving on....

Good News: We have rations! What do you need! 

Oh, my God we ate like kings that night! I've not had a lot of experience with Army rations, but man I was starving and I remember it tasting as good as Thanksgiving dinner! 

Bad News: There are more storms forecasted for later in the week, so (and now I'm paraphrasing) ya'll look like a bunch of stoners, who have limited skills and resources - don't dick around and get your asses out as soon as this river drops. 

Two days later we hiked out.  We were exhausted, filthy, still covered in mud and I probably a little bloody and bruised.  I imagine we looked like we were hiking out of the hell-mouth as we reached the parking lot.  There were two fresh-from-the-car hikers, on their way in, they had huge smiles and a bounce in their step.  I'm pretty sure one of the guys yelled "Turn back now! Save yourself!" Or maybe I added that part over the years.  Either way, that's how this story ends now when I tell it. 

The point is - it was such a crazy experience, one that I did not see coming.  I signed up for a camping trip, not a life changing, go left or go right, pivotal moment kind of thing.  It was the kind of experience that when someone says, "how was it" the only real response is, "do you have time for a beer?"  

Not all of these moments are so dramatic, nor should they be! Writing that story now, as a mom, Oh-Good-Lord the fresh hell that would await my child if they pulled that shit! But the one constant that I see in these moments is the ability to just let go and free fall for a brief second.  Don't let your fears, your paradigms, your past, your own head get in the way - just for a minute, live in the moment and then shake the shit out of it. 

The best adventures I've ever had didn't bring a stamp to my passport or require a paychecks worth of money - only that I let go of fear and dive in.  As an adult I appreciate the opportunity to experience the shift you know, without almost dying or throwing responsibility out the window.  It's a huge plus when you get to experience the shift and also positively impact others - THOSE are the moments! The sweet spot in life that reminds us why we are here and what it's all about.  Or maybe I've just gotten old and boring. 

I did this when I decided to shave my head.  I went all in.  There were plenty of times I could have let the fear of the unknown consume me, but I didn't.  I held on to the support of my tribe and stayed present in what was happening and just enjoyed the ride.   Over the past two months the rainbow of feels has been felt and seen.  (Thank you Husband!)  The entire experience has been, without a doubt - the coolest, craziest, most rewarding, life changing and eye opening thing I've done yet.  It's going to take me a minute to find the words, the story - but if you are even a little bit wondering, "could I do this", "could I shave MY head for St. Baldricks" the answer is a big, fat, YES!!!! A thousand times YES!

Find your free fall moment.  If it's not shaving your head in a bar or finding a calm place within a literal storm - find your moment, and then let go of all your fears for a split second and dive in.  You'll never regret it. 

A Big Juicy Thank You!

Fundraising for St. Baldricks has been such a wild experience.  I'm sitting here staring at a blank page unable of where to even begin.  

The excitement of the first weekend was beyond inspiring.  I was deep into a winter/post election/negative and sad news/no sun funk.  I needed to do something - I had to shake the dust off and hit my reset, so yes - to begin this my motivations were selfish.  The excitement, the support, the stories that were shared - it was all so moving and inspiring and heartbreaking and world changing.  This was like being hit with an emotional meteor and it changed my landscape instantly. 

The stories continued to come in and I read them all.  I felt them all.  Stories filtered into my news feed and I couldn't help but read them.  One in particular shattered me.  Is there a word more descriptive than "shattered" because that's the word I am looking for. I honestly don't think I've ever in my life cried that hard.  Ever.  It made this real for me - the woman, a mom, told the story of her sons final day.  He was 4.  She called him poot.  Even writing that sentence I'm beginning to melt down.  Her words were so beautiful, her story was beyond deviating and the love she had for, and showed for, her baby up until his last breath, was unlike anything imaginable.  Unless you're a mom.  J is nearly 4.  I call him Bug.  When I ask him "what's mommy's job" he too answers "to keep me safe".  This is the shit that keeps me up at night - what happens when I can't keep him safe?  This is the reason I had my first (and second) ever panic attack and this is why the only thing I could do - to regain some sort of allusion of control - was to be a part of helping.  In so small way.  I wanted to act, to do and I wanted it to matter to someone.  

To date, 137 have donated for a total of $7,880.  Are you kidding me!!! I'm so floored.  

I have so many thank you's to make because THIS was not done by just me.  In fact I quickly became just a very small part of this and YOU all became the hero's.  This really was a celebration of talents and kindness and efforts and time of so many people beyond myself and I am so moved to have been a part of it.  

Renee, a dear family friend from way back when, saw an early post on Instagram that I was looking for a Graphic Artist to help me create a logo and poster.  Within hours Renee had reached out and put me into contact with Sarah.  Sarah and I have never met in real life.  Sarah lives many states away.  When she heard  that I was looking for a graphic artist, she jumped right in.  We may never meet in real life but you did not hesitate to help a stranger help strangers. Your artwork is so beautiful and it's been such a joy to be able to hang that up all over town.  You really helped to set this tone, to make fundraising effective, to help me shoot for the moon. You made a tremendous impact on this campaign of mine and from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!

Kelly, an old co-worker from my glory days (I LOVED waiting tables!) offered to print the artwork and drop it off at my home.  I had just signed on to fundraise and was still struggling to get anything done with the kids - this incredibly kind gesture, from someone that I hadn't seen in 8 years, got the ball rolling.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you.  I was able to get out that first weekend without running all over  town with the kids and by the end of that weekend over a thousand dollars had been raised. XO

My sister Kelly, my friend Heather and a FB friend turned real life friend, Erika each hosted online socials as a fundraising events.  You ladies set aside your time, you reached into your networks, you posted, you gave gifts you were amazing! These three socials brought in close to $2000.  Thank you! Thank you ladies for your help and thank you to everyone within your networks who donated.  XO

Jennifer, the owner of Tiny Town play lounge hosted a Meet & Greet with the Easter Bunny.  My friend Heather roped her kind, brave and good-sport husband into playing the role of the bunny.  My sister Courtney donated the costume.   Diana, a photographer who reached out, generously asked how she could help and donated a spring mini photo session.  She came up with an adorable set, donated 100% of the profits and sent everyone a beautiful digital file.  Jennifer, Diana, Heather, Chet - Thank you!!! Together you all raised close to $500 in one 2 hour morning.  I'm so grateful to you all.  Chet - you were a great bunny! 

Our local fire department donated a firetruck ride, that was also raffled off and that raised almost $400.  This was almost all from women I've never met.  Thank you ladies and fellow moms.  Thank you so much.  And thank you to Fire Captain Jim and your son Matt.  You were so kind and generous and God love your mom I don't know how she sleeps at night with 3 firemen in the family! You're heroes and the kids had the time of their lives riding on the truck with you.

Thank you to Belly Busters, The Pilgrim, Pure Pastures, Dr. Seluk, Bricks on Boundary, Shone Foto, The Plymouth Wellness Center, Core Sport Pilates, Camp Mirage, Photos by Gail, Tuscan Cafe, McMahon Helicopter Services and the Brighton group of Young Living consultants.  Thank you to the Beautycounter girls who hosted socials and donated. Thank you to the US Born consultant Heather for her party.  I know your small business is asked to donate often, and I could not be more grateful for your support to this. Thank you!  XOXO 

Andrea you're the admin on the mom2mom site I've posted this on.  You let me.  From the bottom of my heart thank you! The enormous network you created allowed me to meet Diana.  To raffle off the firetruck ride and the Mother's Day basket.   To connect with the moms on your site whose children are battling or have battled cancer.  Thank you ladies for sharing your stories and thank you for your support.  I cannot imagine what you endured.  I am grateful every night my children are healthy and I know that could change on a dime.  I will never for a second take that for granted.  I cannot wait to shave my head to honor you, your children, your families and what you have experienced and lost.  

My very first donation came in from a mom of 5, in a one income family.  I know that ANY money spent outside of what you budget for on one income matters.  It goes accounted for.  We often are unable to give to the charities that we want in the way that we want to - there are so many wonderful organizations doing necessary and impactful work and you can't support them all.  To everyone who donated and kindly told me "I wish it was more", please know that with as much honesty and sincerity and I can possibly convey here: JUST THANK YOU!!! I get it! I live it! I say those same words and we are the majority.  While there were many generous and large donations the bulk of this was won $5 and $10 at a time and I am aware that for some of you, like Mark and I - that money mattered greatly.  Please don't ever again wish you could do more - you did.  That's the win every time.  Thank you!!! 

To Anonymous: I'm glad this touched you, thank you for your donation, for your support and please know for the rest of my life not being able to hug you and properly thank you will drive me banana's. But that's only because I'm a type A control freak with a deep hatred for secrets and filters.  But you probably already know that about me, in which case, well played.  XO

This has been supported by my family, my friends, their friends, their family, past co workers, neighbors, small business owners, people I've never once met - Joe from Tiny Town, Lisa M and Lynn G who just keep giving, and giving - I'm just in awe.  

To my family and friends - I feel blessed.  Facebook and I have a love hate relationship - mostly because I love to zone out in it, which I hate.  BUT it keeps me connected to people I have loved, people I have laughed with and grown with and had adventures with.  I feel blessed to have you all in my life, even if that's just on my phone.  I enjoy seeing your posts, watching your kids grow up, seeing your travels and adventures and seeing your own passions that you're fundraising for.  Thank you so much for giving a shit! Honestly, thank you! There really are so many great organizations doing important work and I'm so grateful for your support.  All of it.  From the $5 donations to the $1000 donation, you gave.  137 of you, and you didn't have to.  I set out to spread some love wondering at one point "what would happen if no one cared?"  Would I shave my head for $50?  The answer was yes, I had to jump that mental hurdle before I put this out there, but man that's a lot of hair for $50.  Thank God 137 people (and counting) said "I want in on that too".  I have goose bumps right now, I never expected this.  Just Thank You!

With two weeks left I was $2000 away from my new goal (remember when it was $5000? Me either).  I asked for help - I threw it out there and God delivered.  Patrick was my restaurant manager from what feels like another life time ago - we've reconnected on FB and he offered up a great bottle of Cain Five, which got my wheels turning.  My friend Jayme and her Husband own Tuscan Cafe and they donated some great coffee. Wine's best friend. The Plymouth Wellness Center donated a 60 massage, Compari's donated a $25 gift card and my hubby and I tossed in the "It takes two to make a day go right" t-shit.  Best mom basket ever!!! And in 4 days this raffle raised $895. 

ONE week out and $1000 away, Meg messaged me about another raffle.  Meg is an incredibly talented photographer who has earned an enormous client following on Facebook.  Meg is always busy, always editing, always creating and I love that we've been able to connect as friends on Facebook. So this already busy lady offered a  full family photo session, with digital files.  That's more editing with no pay!!  Just like that, within HOURS, another $380 was raised.  This raffle still has 5 more days.  Meg, I have no words.  Also, at some point we need to meet in real life.  Let's be ladies who lunch.  I'll come your way.

To Lisa, who is the busiest mom I know, also a lady I just adore and really enjoy being around - thank you! Lisa is digging into her network and closing out the final week with a raffle for a FREE month at her pilates studio and she is also hosing a mat class next Saturday at 9am. 100% of the profits will go towards supporting St. Baldricks.  Lisa - I love you! Thank you so much.  I really can't think of a better way to end this upcoming week than with pilates at your studio.  

So unless something crazy happens, we won.  All of us.  We raised more than anyone else at the upcoming event and are sitting in 1st place.  Be proud to have been a part of this! I will always look back on this and consider us all a team, and this team kicked some f*cking ass! More love and kindness and generosity and goodness was sent out into the world, from this one small act, than I could have ever possibly imagined!!!! This was because of YOU, not me. 

I will never forget how you all came together to help me do this.  I hope you won't either.  Thank you for spreading the love.

*last note - I had champagne for lunch because it's Mother's Day so let the proofing errors go until tomorrow.  Just roll with it. Hugs.

xoxoxo