Monday, October 30, 2017

Disney Classic: A Toddler's Tale

Snow White was on TV the other night on Disney Jr.  I thought it would be fun to snuggle up with my 4 year old son and watch a classic Disney movie.  What

So - I tee'd up.


ME: J, would you like to watch a movie? Snow White is on TV tonight.  I think you'll love it!

J: Sure mom.  What's it about?

Me: Well [pause to think] it's about a little girl who lives with her stepmother, who's a witch and so the girl runs away and meets the 7 Dwarfs. 

J: What's a witch? Why does she run away?

Me: Well a witch is a person with powers who can do magical stuff and she runs away because [long pause...] um...well...her step mom tries to kill her. 

J: Her mom tries to kill her? KILL? Why? 

Me: Well...[longer pause as regret sinks in] She wants to kill her because she is very pretty - and very nice. 

J: [ wide eyed silent state] She wants to kill her because she's pretty and nice?

Me: Well yes - she's very mean and jealous - but you're missing the point, when she runs away she meets the 7 Dwarfs! They are so fun!!

J: So, does she use her witch powers to kill her?

Me: We're still here, huh? Um no.  She tells someone to kill her. 

J: HOW! Who? Do they squish her like a grape?

Me: She tells her Huntsmen to kill her - he's like an Army man.  

[Fuck dude! Who wrote this fucking story!! What a fucked up message - OMG I'm a millennial mom! Why did I think this was a good idea.  I need wine. Husband - look at me and notice the I need wine look.  I'm sending you a mental message - yes....yes....Boom! Wine.]

J: HOW! 

Me: Well...um....well....he is supposed to cut out her heart. 

J: [silent pause] DOES HE??? Does he kill her? 

Me: No. He makes a good choice and doesn't hurt her. He lets her go and she runs away into the woods. 

J: You always say it's not safe to run away.  Is her Daddy with her?

Me: No.  Huh, I don't recall him as part of the story.  Maybe he's at work (regretting his choice in women) 

J: So, she's alone in the woods?

Me: Yes - but that's where she meets the 7 Dwarfs!! And they are sooooo fun!

J: Who are the Dwarfs?

Me: They are 7 men who all live together and work in the woods. 

J: Does she know them?

Me: No. 

J: So they are strangers?

Me: Yes.

J: Does she know they aren't tricky people

Me: Well...I don't know...yes, maybe....I guess.  

J: But you don't let me talk to strangers? They could be tricky people

Me: Well you can if you're being chased by a witch.

J: [wide eyed look of fear] Will a witch try to kill me?

Me: No - sorry.  This is all pretend.  If you are being chased by a pretend witch you can run into the pretend woods and talk to all the pretend strangers you want to.

J: How do they meet?

Me: Well she hides in their house while they are at work and naps in their beds.  When they come home they find her there?

J: So she doesn't know them. 

Me: No

J: And she goes into their house

Me: well...yes - but only to hide from the witch [this is melting down quickly]

J: Mom, this movie sounds too scary.  Can we watch Deadpool?

Me: OMG! J, for the 100th time, YOU ARE NOT WATCHING DEADPOOL!!! How do you even know the name of that movie? No. Here - Peppa Pig. 


Sunday, June 25, 2017

The Shave

Let me lead with, I hate winter.  I hate it.  I miss the sun, the warm days, the being outside, the porch the ease of moving about your day without defrosting and bundling- and every year, by February, I'm ready to rip my own face off.  This February was a special one - we hadn't seen the sun in a loooong time, I was stuck inside with two bored and insane toddlers and my brain crack, Facebook, had turned into a playground of political fury.  Everyone seemed angry or scared.  Everyone was indignant.  Strangers on viral videos fighting in coffee shops and click bait headlines everywhere - everyone online seemed to take a corner and whether it was what was outwardly posted or quietly shared or buried deep in the comments, or at a rally or the unfriending of someone because of politics - I saw a hot bed of furious emotion.  And I was right there in the thick of it. 

I couldn't take it anymore.  It began as a quiet joke to myself "I'm so over this shit I'm going to shave my fucking head!" And I would laugh at myself and move past whatever Facebook comment set my pants on fire. This happened so often though that the thought began to stick. Huh.. what if? What would it be like to shave my head? And not because I was going crazy, but because I needed to shake the dust off my world, change it up.  What if? Would it turn out to be a good idea or at best a neutral idea, or - you know, would I end up bald and hiding under hats and saving for extensions while everyone laughed "what did you think was going to happen? You shaved your damn head!"  I really saw it as a toss up.  I couldn't just shave my head.  That's insane!


My girlfriend shaved her head last summer for St. Baldricks.  I remember thinking she was such a bad ass! Great cause - bold move - bad ass!! She's a good person.  I want to be a good person.  I want to do good and meaningful things.   I want to know what it's like to shave my head.  I need to do this.  So there I was, already chewing on this notion and here is this amazing nonprofit that shaves heads.  Let's do this.  So without much more thought than that, I signed up, announced it on Facebook hoping to raise $1,000 and told you all the truth - I wanted to be uplifted.  I wanted to change my newsfeed.  I wanted to give the right fuck, for the right reason, at the right time and this felt like that chance.  So I took it. 

If you've spent any time with me in real life, or suffered through my posts (thank you) you probably know a few things: I'm horrible at punctuation. Annoying, I know. I hate math and I'm an all-or-nothing kind of girl. 100% all in or 100% all out.  It's not usually my favorite attribute about myself but it's rooted pretty deep so I work with it. But knowing this about myself when I signed up to fundraise, well then balls-to-the-wall fundraising I was going to do.  I was going to own fundraising. I was going to stay-at-home-mom the fuck out of fundraising!!!  I had the time, the passion, the emotional connection and it didn't hurt that my background is in marketing and sales, with an emphasis on running my mouth on social media, so I did me.  I ran my mouth on social media. And the sales rep in me needed to know it all, everything.  So, I read.  I read the St. Baldricks blogs, I read the beautiful words a mom wrote about her 4 year olds last day.  I read the stories I usually flip past.  I was the messages that were sent to me.  I read them and I felt them all.  Each one.  And with each new story, each child, each family and blog post this silly little idea of mine grew into something so amazing but also heavy.  It weighted on me and I felt your pain.  

I don't have a very good wall for external stimuli.  I tend to take it all in and I'm learning how to create more distance.  It's been an incredible gift at times and other times it feels like a curse.  I have had three panic attacks in my life.  One while going through my divorce (obvious panic attack conditions)  and two while fundraising for St. Baldricks.  (Not so obvious panic attack conditions.)  I just felt all the feels, all at once and the added awesomeness of being a mom - well I short circuited.  My hubby had to take the day off work. I couldn't adult.  I couldn't function. My brain was in sheer panic mode.  I went down a rabbit hole and I couldn't get out.  It took a strong Xanax, a good unloading of all the words, and tears, a hot bath, a prayer to the essential oil gods and a sound night of sleep before I began to calm down.  A little.  I remember laying in bed trying to get off the ferris wheel of terror my brain was on and all of a sudden I heard: "God gives to us and God takes away, and God does it all again."  "God giveth and God taketh away."  I don't typically have what I would define as spiritual moments.  In fact I can't really recall ever having had one, but there it was. This calm voice and it wasn't my own. I feel asleep that night meditating on that.  The beautiful simplicity in those words.  It wasn't mine to stress and worry about, none of it.  Not my future or my children's future, it was in Gods hands and I just had to trust that.  He gives and he takes so when you're up, show gratitude and when you're down, be faithful.  The tides will turn.  They always do.  This calmness is not so easy to practice in real life, but  I'm working on it.  My natural go to is to puppet master life - I was a good sales rep, this worked out well for me.  But you can't function like this, it's absurd. We aren't really in control - it's all an illusion and to try is just wasted energy. My anxiety gets the better of me when I'm desperately trying to control it all.  To predict and plan for it all.  I know this and yet somehow I never recognize that I'm coming up upon a moment of crazy until after I lose my shit and have to come walking back into the house and go "yeah babe, sorry.  Thanks for day off and carting me around town for meds and therapy. Wanna grab a drink and watch me cry?" Adult goal: head off my crazy before it erupts. Accomplish goal by: dying breath or sooner.

While all of this was happening though, a beautiful snowball was starting on my Facebook account.  What started off as a $1,000 goal was now a $5,000 goal.  I was receiving such generous support and my newsfeed really was changing.  My favorite local business owners jumped on board.  My favorite South Carolina business owner jumped on board.  My friends, my family, friends of friends, old bosses...it just kept growing and by May 21st I walked into that bar well over my final goal of $8,000!  

A month into fundraising I was launched from "uplifted" right into a new ballpark.  When I say I was humbled, just leveled by the amount of support and backing of this - the word "humbled" doesn't even do it justice.  I was so truly honored to be able to remember your loved ones in this way - your person - your child.  One of my most generous donors lost her person.  The one you go to, about it all - the one who sees you and still adores you.  To know this about you - to be able to feel this when I think about my person, and to know that you wanted to do this to honor her - Oh, Lord.  I felt that, and I wanted to do everything I could to respect and honor that, and to send love out in her name. In all their names. 

The extreme emotions of this adventure I didn't expect. You can't really, not until you're in it but I was most surprised by that - that wide rang of emotional ups and downs. 

The night before the shave I sat with my husband just marveling at what had occurred, and I asked him the one question I didn't want to get caught asking out loud, "do you think this will look cute? Or do you think I'll spend the next 7 months going, "ehh, shit. Know what I learned babe? I learned I miss my hair. Hat please."  I think I was equally as ridiculous just before our son was born and I asked (probably baby hormonal and crying) "what if when the baby arrives I forget it somewhere and I can't find it?" Do you know who you can't lose? My kids!  When you go all in on something that you can't take back, like say a baby or a tattoo on your face or shaving your head in a bar, at some point, I think you take a leap of faith knowing you'll know what you know when you get there. Where ever there is.  

The first big thing I felt after was freedom.  A crazy sense of freedom.  More than freedom, liberation. It was insane! No washing my hair, drying my hair, styling my hair, getting annoyed with my hair - feeling defined by my hair.  I didn't even focus that much on hair and there it was, all the wasted energy being poured into it.  That was energy I could relocate elsewhere.  And I did.  That feeling of freedom in turn made me feel so comfortable and light and calm within my own skin.  I've seriously never given less fucks and I didn't have a large pile of fucks-to-give to begin with.  I feel so proud of this bald head and I smile every time I see it.  I think of you all and how amazing you were and I think about how really one act, like shaving my head, could have had such a ripple effect. And every time I rub it (which yes, I do non stop) I can't believe in the end over $11,000 was raised for childhood cancer. And the wigs - wow. 

So I'm a month out.  It took me some time to digest it, to process the emotions as well as my own parenting anxiety and "what if's" that jumped aboard.  Have you even been so grateful and felt so fortunate in the cards you'd been dealt that it scares you to the core? You're sitting there and life is shining a big old ray of sunshine on you and you're too busy looking for the rain clouds to bask in it. Foolish huh? I think that's what happened to me in April and it took me until now to be able to articulate it,  which is usually how I can then, box it back up and put it back on the shelf. 

So, in May, I proudly shaved my head for St. Baldricks.  Because I wanted to spread some love and do something that felt meaningful.  

Today, I shaved my head again and dyed it pink, for me.  I want to enjoy it a little longer.  I wanted to celebrate my blessings and somehow show gratitude in the choice I had. I wanted to remind myself not to take it all so seriously, to relax, to enjoy the now and the fortunate hand that was dealt to me and mine. I know life will level me at some point, it's a guarantee - but, I'm not going to ruin my blessed days wondering what will be and when. 

Sometimes it's best to just lean into it, to smile and have some fun. To let go. 

As it turns out, it's pretty good for the soul. 

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

So? How Was It?

Have you ever had an experience that was just impossible to sum up, but everyone's first question is "how was it"?

I went on an impromptu camping trip my senior year of college instead of taking my final exams. 

A few details:  Yes, I did not graduate, and I wouldn't for another six years.  No, I was not failing out or even close to failing out.  No, I do not have a good excuse - in fact my only reasoning was that I just wasn't in the mood to take an exam that day, and this sounded more fun. Yes, classic 20 something Kristi.  Yes, my parents deserve an award.  Yes, during the story that you are about to read George and Jan believed (with no reason not to) that I was 2 hours away, at school, like everyone else, taking my exams and preparing to walk.  Anyways, I digress....

So I went on this road trip, first to the Kentucky Derby and then on a backcountry camping trip. We hiked into the Smoky Mountains from Gatlinburg - me, the guy I was seeing and his friend.  (Again, sorry parents. ) Anyways, after a good days hike into the mountain, we awoke to freezing temps, pouring rain, a soaked and leaking tent, horrible thunderstorms and an overall shitty day.  After what felt like a few hours of misery hoping the storm would pass, and some deliberation, we packed up and started to hike out to the next camp site - which was an actual shelter.  A mile in we were met with flash flooding coming off the top of the mountain and our path was now an uncrossable and rushing little river.  The storms picking up, the winds got colder and we decided "fuck it" lets hike out for the car.  A few miles in the opposite direction and we were again met with flash flooding, and a new raging river cutting right into our trail.  If you've never hiked in the backcountry you should know that alternate routes are not always easy to come by.  We were essentially trapped. 

What we didn't know at the time was that tornado storms (that had not been predicted) had blown in and there were tornados' touching down all over.  

We decided to attempt a leap-frog escape.  We repacked our bags, the guys taking the essentials and I was going to climb down the steep side of the mountain and try to wedge my backpack between two boulders.  We'd use that bridge to then cross the river.  In the rain.  On wet and slick rock.  It didn't end well. 

I don't recall all the details and I've retold the story so many times that it seems surreal at this point but I lost my footing and I slipped off the wall of rock I was climbing down and went into the freezing, raging river - still wearing my backpack.  I think I just started clawing at the rocks as I was swept down stream.  The guys I was with went running after me.  I remember looking up and seeing a look of fear in E's eye as he lunged for me.  I never want to be on the receiving end of that look again.  The river that I fell into swept around a bend and then fell off into a dramatic waterfall.  All of this was far too close for my comfort.  I'm a pretty big fan of life.  E somehow grabbed ahold of my pack and flung me up onto the rocks.  It was pretty terrifying for everyone involved. 

After that we took only our two man tent, left a pack there at the tail head, and we looked for the highest and most secure ground we could find to setup.  Then we did what you do when someone falls into hypothermic water and you're trapped in 35 degree rain - we got naked and spooned.  And prayed.  And talked.  And miraculously, no one lost their shit.  It was all kind of amazing for three college kids, who barely knew each other, and collided into this crazy moment.  

I don't know how many hours went by - the storms went on all night.  When they cleared the next morning it was so beautiful out, not a cloud in the sky! Almost everything around us had been washed away and was now a small stream of mountain water and mud.  The guys went to hang up our wet sleeping bags and soaked clothing to dry on the bear lines - they were just shy of waist deep in now flooded waters.  

While I was up at our tent cleaning it out, I heard whistles being blown from the direction where we had left the backpack.  Wearing only my tiva's and E's fleece I went running, full throttle, up the hill to see 3 badass park rangers smiling at me from across the raging river.  I swear one of them wiped away a tear.  They told us later how bad the storms had been and that they had tried to hike out to us but had to turn back for their own safety.  The other hikers on that trail had been pulled out safely - it was just us they were out looking for.  

The water between us was too loud to be heard shouting back and forth, so we played a quick game of charades and I understood they needed me to go get the others and bring them back there.  By the time I'd returned they had a walkie-talkie in a pastic bag on a rope, ready to be tossed over to us.  They also gave us dry clothes, a dry blanket and food.  They were awesome! One of them lit a Marlboro Red, I think I fell in love.  Then I asked for a dry smoke and he tossed me the pack.  If that ranger had proposed, I'd of said yes.  

They had a mixed bag of news for us. 

Bad News: You're trapped.  You're not in a place we can get a helicopter in easily/safely/reasonably and we can't build a bridge.  This shit happens and since no one is critically injured, you're gonna have to wait a day or two for this river to go down and hike your own asses out.  They tied a rope off to a tree and fed it over to us, we did the same.  We'd use that line to help us cross the river when the water went down.  They also took down our parents names and numbers so that they could contact them.  Awesome.  Mine weren't home so they left a message on the answering machine. 

"Hi, this is Ranger Rick - I just wanted to let you know that we have located your daughter but we are unable to get to them to pull them out.  They seem to be in high spirits (that's a verbatim.  That sentence was my sisters favorite part of the entire ordeal, and chances are that we were in fact, stoned) and we've given them food.  They should be able to hike out in a few days."

My two younger sisters heard the message first.  Knowing they pretty much just won at being the favorites they eagerly passed the message along to my parents. 

So yeah, that's how they first found out I wouldn't be graduating that year.  Ranger Rick, on the answering machine, while they thought I was 2 hours away.  I'm a dick.  Moving on....

Good News: We have rations! What do you need! 
Oh, my God we ate like kings that night! I've not had a lot of experience with Army rations, but man I was starving and I remember it tasting as good as Thanksgiving dinner! 

Bad News: There are more storms forecasted for later in the week, so (and now I'm paraphrasing) ya'll look like a bunch of stoners, who have limited skills and resources - don't dick around and get your asses out as soon as this river drops. 

Two days later we hiked out.  We were exhausted, filthy, still covered in mud and I probably a little bloody and bruised.  I imagine we looked like we were hiking out of the hell-mouth as we reached the parking lot.  There were two fresh-from-the-car hikers, on their way in, they had huge smiles and a bounce in their step.  I'm pretty sure one of the guys yelled "Turn back now! Save yourself!" Or maybe I added that part over the years.  Either way, that's how this story ends now when I tell it. 

The point is - it was such a crazy experience, one that I did not see coming.  I signed up for a camping trip, not a life changing, go left or go right, pivotal moment kind of thing.  It was the kind of experience that when someone says, "how was it" the only real response is, "do you have time for a beer?"  

Not all of these moments are so dramatic, nor should they be! Writing that story now, as a mom, Oh-Good-Lord the fresh hell that would await my child if they pulled that shit! But the one constant that I see in these moments is the ability to just let go and free fall for a brief second.  Don't let your fears, your paradigms, your past, your own head get in the way - just for a minute, live in the moment and then shake the shit out of it. 


The best adventures I've ever had didn't bring a stamp to my passport or require a paychecks worth of money - only that I let go of fear and dive in.  As an adult I appreciate the opportunity to experience the shift you know, without almost dying or throwing responsibility out the window.  It's a huge plus when you get to experience the shift and also positively impact others - THOSE are the moments! The sweet spot in life that reminds us why we are here and what it's all about.  Or maybe I've just gotten old and boring. 


I did this when I decided to shave my head.  I went all in.  There were plenty of times I could have let the fear of the unknown consume me, but I didn't.  I held on to the support of my tribe and stayed present in what was happening and just enjoyed the ride.   Over the past two months the rainbow of feels has been felt and seen.  (Thank you Husband!)  The entire experience has been, without a doubt - the coolest, craziest, most rewarding, life changing and eye opening thing I've done yet.  It's going to take me a minute to find the words, the story - but if you are even a little bit wondering, "could I do this", "could I shave MY head for St. Baldricks" the answer is a big, fat, YES!!!! A thousand times YES!

Find your free fall moment.  If it's not shaving your head in a bar or finding a calm place within a literal storm - find your moment, and then let go of all your fears for a split second and dive in.  You'll never regret it. 


Sunday, May 14, 2017

A Big Juicy Thank You!

Fundraising for St. Baldricks has been such a wild experience.  I'm sitting here staring at a blank page unable of where to even begin.  

The excitement of the first weekend was beyond inspiring.  I was deep into a winter/post election/negative and sad news/no sun funk.  I needed to do something - I had to shake the dust off and hit my reset, so yes - to begin this my motivations were selfish.  The excitement, the support, the stories that were shared - it was all so moving and inspiring and heartbreaking and world changing.  This was like being hit with an emotional meteor and it changed my landscape instantly. 

The stories continued to come in and I read them all.  I felt them all.  Stories filtered into my news feed and I couldn't help but read them.  One in particular shattered me.  Is there a word more descriptive than "shattered" because that's the word I am looking for. I honestly don't think I've ever in my life cried that hard.  Ever.  It made this real for me - the woman, a mom, told the story of her sons final day.  He was 4.  She called him poot.  Even writing that sentence I'm beginning to melt down.  Her words were so beautiful, her story was beyond deviating and the love she had for, and showed for, her baby up until his last breath, was unlike anything imaginable.  Unless you're a mom.  J is nearly 4.  I call him Bug.  When I ask him "what's mommy's job" he too answers "to keep me safe".  This is the shit that keeps me up at night - what happens when I can't keep him safe?  This is the reason I had my first (and second) ever panic attack and this is why the only thing I could do - to regain some sort of allusion of control - was to be a part of helping.  In so small way.  I wanted to act, to do and I wanted it to matter to someone.  


To date, 137 have donated for a total of $7,880.  Are you kidding me!!! I'm so floored.  


I have so many thank you's to make because THIS was not done by just me.  In fact I quickly became just a very small part of this and YOU all became the hero's.  This really was a celebration of talents and kindness and efforts and time of so many people beyond myself and I am so moved to have been a part of it.  

Renee, a dear family friend from way back when, saw an early post on Instagram that I was looking for a Graphic Artist to help me create a logo and poster.  Within hours Renee had reached out and put me into contact with Sarah.  Sarah and I have never met in real life.  Sarah lives many states away.  When she heard  that I was looking for a graphic artist, she jumped right in.  We may never meet in real life but you did not hesitate to help a stranger help strangers. Your artwork is so beautiful and it's been such a joy to be able to hang that up all over town.  You really helped to set this tone, to make fundraising effective, to help me shoot for the moon. You made a tremendous impact on this campaign of mine and from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!



Kelly, an old co-worker from my glory days (I LOVED waiting tables!) offered to print the artwork and drop it off at my home.  I had just signed on to fundraise and was still struggling to get anything done with the kids - this incredibly kind gesture, from someone that I hadn't seen in 8 years, got the ball rolling.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you.  I was able to get out that first weekend without running all over  town with the kids and by the end of that weekend over a thousand dollars had been raised. XO

My sister Kelly, my friend Heather and a FB friend turned real life friend, Erika each hosted online socials as a fundraising events.  You ladies set aside your time, you reached into your networks, you posted, you gave gifts you were amazing! These three socials brought in close to $2000.  Thank you! Thank you ladies for your help and thank you to everyone within your networks who donated.  XO

Jennifer, the owner of Tiny Town play lounge hosted a Meet & Greet with the Easter Bunny.  My friend Heather roped her kind, brave and good-sport husband into playing the role of the bunny.  My sister Courtney donated the costume.   Diana, a photographer who reached out, generously asked how she could help and donated a spring mini photo session.  She came up with an adorable set, donated 100% of the profits and sent everyone a beautiful digital file.  Jennifer, Diana, Heather, Chet - Thank you!!! Together you all raised close to $500 in one 2 hour morning.  I'm so grateful to you all.  Chet - you were a great bunny! 

Our local fire department donated a firetruck ride, that was also raffled off and that raised almost $400.  This was almost all from women I've never met.  Thank you ladies and fellow moms.  Thank you so much.  And thank you to Fire Captain Jim and your son Matt.  You were so kind and generous and God love your mom I don't know how she sleeps at night with 3 firemen in the family! You're heroes and the kids had the time of their lives riding on the truck with you.

Thank you to Belly Busters, The Pilgrim, Pure Pastures, Dr. Seluk, Bricks on Boundary, Shone Foto, The Plymouth Wellness Center, Core Sport Pilates, Camp Mirage, Photos by Gail, Tuscan Cafe, McMahon Helicopter Services and the Brighton group of Young Living consultants.  Thank you to the Beautycounter girls who hosted socials and donated. Thank you to the US Born consultant Heather for her party.  I know your small business is asked to donate often, and I could not be more grateful for your support to this. Thank you!  XOXO 

Andrea you're the admin on the mom2mom site I've posted this on.  You let me.  From the bottom of my heart thank you! The enormous network you created allowed me to meet Diana.  To raffle off the firetruck ride and the Mother's Day basket.   To connect with the moms on your site whose children are battling or have battled cancer.  Thank you ladies for sharing your stories and thank you for your support.  I cannot imagine what you endured.  I am grateful every night my children are healthy and I know that could change on a dime.  I will never for a second take that for granted.  I cannot wait to shave my head to honor you, your children, your families and what you have experienced and lost.  

My very first donation came in from a mom of 5, in a one income family.  I know that ANY money spent outside of what you budget for on one income matters.  It goes accounted for.  We often are unable to give to the charities that we want in the way that we want to - there are so many wonderful organizations doing necessary and impactful work and you can't support them all.  To everyone who donated and kindly told me "I wish it was more", please know that with as much honesty and sincerity and I can possibly convey here: JUST THANK YOU!!! I get it! I live it! I say those same words and we are the majority.  While there were many generous and large donations the bulk of this was won $5 and $10 at a time and I am aware that for some of you, like Mark and I - that money mattered greatly.  Please don't ever again wish you could do more - you did.  That's the win every time.  Thank you!!! 

To Anonymous: I'm glad this touched you, thank you for your donation, for your support and please know for the rest of my life not being able to hug you and properly thank you will drive me banana's. But that's only because I'm a type A control freak with a deep hatred for secrets and filters.  But you probably already know that about me, in which case, well played.  XO

This has been supported by my family, my friends, their friends, their family, past co workers, neighbors, small business owners, people I've never once met - Joe from Tiny Town, Lisa M and Lynn G who just keep giving, and giving - I'm just in awe.  

To my family and friends - I feel blessed.  Facebook and I have a love hate relationship - mostly because I love to zone out in it, which I hate.  BUT it keeps me connected to people I have loved, people I have laughed with and grown with and had adventures with.  I feel blessed to have you all in my life, even if that's just on my phone.  I enjoy seeing your posts, watching your kids grow up, seeing your travels and adventures and seeing your own passions that you're fundraising for.  Thank you so much for giving a shit! Honestly, thank you! There really are so many great organizations doing important work and I'm so grateful for your support.  All of it.  From the $5 donations to the $1000 donation, you gave.  137 of you, and you didn't have to.  I set out to spread some love wondering at one point "what would happen if no one cared?"  Would I shave my head for $50?  The answer was yes, I had to jump that mental hurdle before I put this out there, but man that's a lot of hair for $50.  Thank God 137 people (and counting) said "I want in on that too".  I have goose bumps right now, I never expected this.  Just Thank You!

With two weeks left I was $2000 away from my new goal (remember when it was $5000? Me either).  I asked for help - I threw it out there and God delivered.  Patrick was my restaurant manager from what feels like another life time ago - we've reconnected on FB and he offered up a great bottle of Cain Five, which got my wheels turning.  My friend Jayme and her Husband own Tuscan Cafe and they donated some great coffee. Wine's best friend. The Plymouth Wellness Center donated a 60 massage, Compari's donated a $25 gift card and my hubby and I tossed in the "It takes two to make a day go right" t-shit.  Best mom basket ever!!! And in 4 days this raffle raised $895. 

ONE week out and $1000 away, Meg messaged me about another raffle.  Meg is an incredibly talented photographer who has earned an enormous client following on Facebook.  Meg is always busy, always editing, always creating and I love that we've been able to connect as friends on Facebook. So this already busy lady offered a  full family photo session, with digital files.  That's more editing with no pay!!  Just like that, within HOURS, another $380 was raised.  This raffle still has 5 more days.  Meg, I have no words.  Also, at some point we need to meet in real life.  Let's be ladies who lunch.  I'll come your way.

To Lisa, who is the busiest mom I know, also a lady I just adore and really enjoy being around - thank you! Lisa is digging into her network and closing out the final week with a raffle for a FREE month at her pilates studio and she is also hosing a mat class next Saturday at 9am. 100% of the profits will go towards supporting St. Baldricks.  Lisa - I love you! Thank you so much.  I really can't think of a better way to end this upcoming week than with pilates at your studio.  

So unless something crazy happens, we won.  All of us.  We raised more than anyone else at the upcoming event and are sitting in 1st place.  Be proud to have been a part of this! I will always look back on this and consider us all a team, and this team kicked some f*cking ass! More love and kindness and generosity and goodness was sent out into the world, from this one small act, than I could have ever possibly imagined!!!! This was because of YOU, not me. 

I will never forget how you all came together to help me do this.  I hope you won't either.  Thank you for spreading the love.

*last note - I had champagne for lunch because it's Mother's Day so let the proofing errors go until tomorrow.  Just roll with it. Hugs.

xoxoxo






Thursday, April 13, 2017

The Minimalist & The Hoarder; A Love Story

Hello.  My name is Kristi and I have a mom2mom problem.  Or so I am told.  

If selling all the junk in my house (for pennies on the dollar) and freeing up valuable closet space is wrong, then I don't want to be right! 

If you are not on the Facebook mom2mom, garage sale & swap sites you are totally missing out! I may never buy another new thing again.  Seriously, I'm challenging myself every single time I "need" something to look there first.  With over 20,000 people now at my fingertips my odds of finding exactly what I want are pretty darn good.

My greatest finds to date: 

An Insta Pot NIB (new in box) $60.  Crosley record player $25. Pancake griddle $2.  Pretty much anything me or my kids are wearing. 

This might just be the greatest thing to happen to FB! Ever! So what if on occasion my husband has been roped into delivering a large item in our truck, after work, without notice, because my crazy got out of control.  We just made $8 and cleaned out a closet. You're welcome! 

What used to be a burden to get rid of is now easy.  That old swing set - snap a photo and hit publish. Within 30 minutes at least 50 people are ready to come haul it away and pay you to do so!! You just sit back (on that new-to-you Adirondack chair) with an IPA and watch that puppy leave.  Thanks for the two-hundo dude!

Lawn furniture you can't stand the site of? Clothes your kids outgrew? Patio bricks? Someone wants it!  Winner winner.

You should see the listings the day after Christmas.  The photos taken in front of the Christmas tree are my favorites.  I imagine the scene plays out like this:

Stranger: Oh!!! I LOOOOOOOOVE it! Let me just snap a quick photo and send it to my friend to show her.....[and listed].  $20 NWT 

If you'd driven by my house last week you may have seen my 3 year old on a rescue mission.  He stole the sold hipitty-hop off the front porch and there he went bouncing down the street like a mad man.  First time in a year he played with it.  I just taught him the word "hoarder".  

Looking for something specific? I go ISO (in search of) daily.  I usually find it.  Right now I'm ISO a washer for my aunts cottage.  I found 3 good options in 24 hours.  It just gets my thrifty adrenaline flowing!

This past winter, when I saw my poor husband snow blowing 3 feet of snow in ratty sneakers, I got to work.  Because love.

ME: Baby, I got you snow boots...you're a size 12 right? 

Husband: Yes, where did you find these? They are ugly as fuck.

Me: Love, your feet are currently cold and wet. They were $10, and she said her husband NEVER wore them! They look really waterproof and warm.  Just say thank you! 

Husband: [rolls eyes] I bet he never wore them. [more eye rolls]

I'm on these sites so often now that I now have a good idea of what sells for how much.  Obviously a great use of my time and skills.  "Lady you want $60 for THAT baby swing?? It's not even a MOMAROO! You trollin'.  

However, last week I "Allegedly" crossed the line and my husband threatened an intervention.

I left my offspring alone for mere minutes and they ransacked the joint.  It looked like the FBI tore the house apart looking for whatever it is the FBI looks for when they shred couches and empty out full drawers.  I blacked out - I just stated listing shit! No toy was safe, no closet untouched.  

Old toys - gone! 

The day that will forever be known as
"the day I sold the shower rod"
Old bedding - gone!

Knick Knacks we have had in basement storage - pictures taken - EUC $2 - publish.

Junk drawers sorted.  Winner takes all for $3. listed! Sold! 

Then I came upon the NIB curved shower rod we purchased FOUR years ago.  My husband swears three but I really recall FOUR! FOUR DAMN YEARS!  I got excited! I can sell this - hell NIB always sells. Let me just snap a quick photo...there, done. listed.

NIB Shower Rod. $8 PPU. 

As predicted, that baby sold lightening fast! I wrote her name on it and stuck it on the porch for pickup.  After so many years I figured we could let this one go.  Did I lowball myself? Maybe but mama just wanted that closet clean.  This right here was low hanging fruit. 

My lovely hubby arrived home from work early.  He loves that our front porch is now one old school bus away from looking like we live in the Appalachian mountains. Currently there is an old dog crate that I garbage picked (being picked up today) a crib (also going today) and there was an Ikea dresser (left yesterday), then the piles of old clothes in tied up bags, the toys labeled for their new owners and the occasional home item we no longer need. I basically look like I'm having a garage sale.  On my porch.  At any given moment.  So here he comes, home from work and our porch, again, looks like I just evicted someone.  I felt accomplished! He felt annoyed.  He came into the house to see the war zone that was me cleaning everything, all at once, and poured a whiskey.  That's when he saw it from the window, his shower rod.  On the porch of shame. 

Mark: WTF? You sold my shower rod? 

Me: Um huh.  You're welcome babe.  Now you have more room in your closet. 

Mark: Kristi, I told you not to touch my stuff when you go crazy! How much did you sell it for?

Me: [I knew by the tone of his voice that there was no number was going to be high enough so I chickened out and lied] Ummm.....I don't recall....like $12

Mark: LIAR! You sold it for EIGHT! I see it written down right here (he waves my spread sheet in front of me) Kristi this has to stop! That was like $40 and you sold it for EIGHT!!!!! 

Me: Babe, every time I ask you to hang it you tell me a reason why it can't be hung. 

Mark: THAT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO HANG IT THEN!!!! I'LL GET TO IT.

That look I get when I start drinking and selling
Pure bliss! 
There were more words exchanged.  An intervention threatened.  So there I went, tail between my legs, to the porch of shame (or glory. Perspective) to rescue his shower rod.  I messaged the woman and kindly told her she could no longer have it and why. She was gracious. It made me wonder about all those great deals I found and how many arguments those may have started.  

Stranger: Baby where is the bread maker? I feel like a homemade loaf with dinner. 

Strangers wife: Oh I sold that.  We use it like twice a year, I wanted the space back. 

Stranger: YOU SOLD IT!!! WHEN?? FOR HOW MUCH??? WTF!!! 

Strangers wife: Like 3 months ago for $10.  We never use it!

And here I am, eating a slice of homemade bread while I write this. You can't buy a box of wine for $10! Did I need a bread maker? Not really, but it makes me feel like one of those moms who makes their own yogurt or cheese and sews shit.  Those moms probably have their shit together and kids who nap and get bathed more often than Sunday...I should look today for a yogurt maker....

So as I stated before if you aren't swapping, selling and buying your neighbors used shit, you're totally missing out! Somewhere, someone was given a yogurt maker as a wedding gift and there it sits, collecting dust, waiting for me to offer them $5 for it.  What a wonderful time to be alive! 


Tuesday, March 7, 2017

15 nuggets for the kids

Anyone else ever have ghost conversations with their kids? I know there's so much to teach them and I find myself daydreaming, getting my spiel down.  I've got these two little humans and man I don't want to fuck them up.  I probably will - just a little bit, but my goal is to send them out into the world well adjusted, functional and mostly happy.  I say "mostly" happy because I tend to think that being happy is an illusion.  You will have rolling waves of happiness in life - like the tides.  In and out, happy and unhappy.  Some of this will be a result of your choices, your values and your attitude (and brain chemistry) and some of it will just be life.  Get used to it.

I figure I'll cover all the bases now, while they are toddlers, and then leave it to my husband to do the refresher course when they are pain-in-the-ass teens. I'll write the rough draft and he can do the final edit. Cheers baby! Thanks! *I'm kidding.  I'm too mouthy to sit these out

Balance babies - you need to find balance
On Money: Money is important but it isn't everything.  Life is all about tradeoffs.  If you spend all your days at work, something at home has to give.  If you spend all of your time at home, you better enjoy living in a tent because love won't pay your bills.  Find balance.  Do not define yourself by your financial worth. Money may buy you freedom but it will NOT buy you happiness.  NO ONE gets rich quick so don't plan to be the exception.  If you blow your whole paycheck on a fancy pair of shoes be prepared to put those babies on and walk your broke ass to work!! Pay attention to your credit score too.  Trust me.  You always have to pay the piper. 

On Sex: As a mom I would love to lead here with: Wait until you are married.  But one day my oldest will do the math on his birthday and our wedding and he'll discover all three of us were there.  So I'll go with what I think is honest.  Sex is fun. Sex is way more fun when it's with someone you really love who loves you back.  Dare I say it's a completely different experience when it's rooted in love.  Value yourself and don't sell yourself to the lowest bidder.  Sex won't make you cooler or popular or more valued - it wasn't designed to be a commodity to be exchanged for status.  It was designed to bring you pleasure and to allow you to give pleasure so, pick your partners wisely and be choosy.  Sex is a beautiful experience, don't cheapen it.  Above all else YOU are in charge.  YOU get to pick.  YOU get to say yes or no and YOU are expected to respect others when they say yes or no.  Also, condoms.  Sex is how babies are made and you never know who's walking around with a quiet case of the clap - be responsible. 

On Drugs: Anyone who tells you drugs aren't fun is lying through their little lie hole.  Drugs are fun, that's one of the reasons people do them.  You'll see friends doing drugs and they'll look like they are having a blast and you'll think "I want in on that."  Here's the things: While they are fun, nothing is ever without consequence.  Drugs can ruin your life in an instant.  RUIN! YOUR! LIFE! No one wants to go down in the history books as the guy who ate a strangers face while tripping on bath salts.  And you don't want to spend the rest of your life battling an addiction.  It will devastate you.  If you must, smoke some pot when you're grown and out of my house - but until then just don't.  It really isn't all it's cracked up to be and yes - sometimes it just takes one hit, one line, one instance and it's game over.  Value yourself more than that, do not gamble with your life or your future. You are worth the world!  Please.  If you're ever in a situation that you want out of just text your dad or I an and "x" and we'll make up a family emergency and come get you faster than you can say "duuude - I could go for some fourth meal right about now!" Learning how to say no when everyone else is saying yes isn't easy, so let us help you until you get there.  

On Alcohol: This can kill you or someone else.  Alcohol is meant to be respected and consumed with respect for your body.  If you plan to drink don't you dare get in the car and drive or sit passenger in someone else's car who's been drinking.  That's what cabs are for.  USE THEM! Alcohol is not an answer to your problems - if you go looking at the bottom of a bottle for answers they will all be lies.  I promise.  Also, no one wants to be the kid peeing or puking in the corner.  Know your limits.  Respect your limits.  

On Friendship: You aren't going to like everyone and not everyone will like you.  Don't take it too personally if you aren't someone's cup of tea.  It happens.  This is what makes real and true friendship so special.  Value your friends, be honest, be thoughtful.  Be kind and respectful to others - always! Be kind even when you dislike the person and choose not to remain friends.  It is possible to part ways peacefully.  If someone else shows you their crazy you don't have to match them with your crazy - you have a choice.  The people you surround yourself with will reflect and help shape the person that you are  - so pick wisely grasshopper.  

On Honesty: Sometimes being honest is going to be really hard, and really suck and be super uncomfortable.  This is usually when it's the most important.  Be honest.  Be honest with yourself and with others.  It makes life as a whole go better.  Stand up for what you believe in and be willing to consider your view points. 

On Accountability: You are going to fail.  You are going to mess up.  You are going to make poor choices.  You are going to have emotional meltdowns.  Everyone at some point does.  OWN THIS.  Be strong enough to admit when you're wrong, to apologize when you wronged someone else, to learn from your poor choices and to be responsible for your own emotions.  YOUR life is a culmination of your thoughts, your words, your actions - no one else's.  Know this, live this.   You are also not expected to be on the shit end of someone who can't accept accountability.  Set a standard for how you wish to be treated by how you treat others and then remember - you get to pick your friends and partners. 

On Work: Integrity, honesty and ethics always count! Don't be fooled by anyone who tells you differently.  Most people don't really get to work a job they love.  It's okay to just like your job.  Find work you are good at, that challenges you and that will support your lifestyle.  If you get to be passionate at work that's a bonus.  Consider yourself lucky.

On Tone of Voice: That shit matters! It's not always about what you say, it's sometimes about how you say it.  Don't play me for a fool.  No one gets tone better than your mom.  Now stop whining. 

On Travel: Nothing will teach you more about the world than travel so go have some adventures. Live someplace new. Spend some time exploring.  Respect the locals. Respect the land. Be aware of your surroundings and pack appropriately.  You do not need 12 pairs of shoes for an 8 day vacation and always pack something just in case you get the poops!  Also, tell your mom where you are going. You never know when you'll get stranded in the Smokey Mountains, needing the park rangers to drop you supplies and rations, while you wait for a flooded river to go down.  Your mom won't be happy if she thinks you're safely at school taking your senior year exams when she gets the call that "they found you".  Trust me.  Sorry mom. 

On Attitude: It's okay to be sad, angry, out-of-sorts and frustrated but don't let those be your ruling emotions.  If you run into more than 3 shitty people in one day it's time to look in the mirror.  Be grateful! You are blessed.  Having it all really isn't the answer  - just look at the story of the Buddha or the Menendez brothers. Very different outcomes but both grew up with everything they could have imagined and the road of excess didn't lead them to happiness.  Be grateful and be willing to serve your community and help those who need help. 

On Fear: Trust your gut. If someone or something sends off bells and alarms, do not doubt that!!!  You have been given intuition as a tool - use it.  However don't get paralyzed by fear of change or fear of the unknown.  Sometimes going outside of your comfort zone is the only way to step into the next chapter.  

On Marriage: If I ask you why you want to marry someone you'd better have a better answer than "they treat me really good." THAT my darlings should be standard-fucking-issue!!  Would you be impressed if a car sales man went "oh look - this one comes with a steering wheel." No, no you wouldn't - that's standard issue.  Anyone you give your time to should treat you well and if they don't then they don't deserve your time or your attention.  YOU WILL NOT CHANGE SOMEONE! Find someone who sees the world in a similar way.  Find someone who values you and what you are about.  Find someone who you value and respect.  Find someone who is willing to work just as hard as you to make life go.  Find someone who will make you laugh.  Romantic love fades, life gets hard, kids change the dynamic, money will come and go - pick someone worthy of weathering all the storms! Then work at it and never take them for granted.  Don't forget, they have a choice too.  Divorce sucks! It really does.

On the Hard Shit: There are going to be plot twists you won't like, turns you'd rather not have made, experiences you could do without.  This is part of the design - roll with it.  When there are more questions than answers and more tears than laughter find your family.  We will always be here to hold your hand and to listen and to cry with you.  You don't ever have to walk the shit path alone. 

On Excueses: They are annoying and see through.  Try not to make them. 

Okay husband - I did the intro course.  The teen years are all you! xoxo


Sunday, March 5, 2017

Dudes - This Could Be HUGE!

HOLY MOLY you guys!  WOW! 

So ONE week ago I made it public that I was taking this crazy leap.  This is so far outside of my comfort zone but I'm doing it. 

Committing to something so far outside of my comfort zone is terrifying.  I'm still terrified.  Seriously, I like my hair - I like it a lot. But then again, it's just hair - what's the worst that could happen?  


So I took a leap.  I threw something crazy out there and I prayed that you would support it.  When I shared this with my sister weeks ago she thought I was nuts and then she said "what if you make like $50 bucks?" We laughed about all the "what-if''s" and like many others she (with her heart in the right place) suggested "why not just a cute pixie cut - you can still donate the rest?"


No.  I didn't want a dramatic haircut, I wanted an adventure.  I wanted to be uplifted.  I wanted to toss some love out and see what came back.  

So I said f*ck it.  I let go of the fear, the anxiety, the what-if's and I jumped in.  ALL in. 

_________________________________

In NINE days we have raised $3,286!!!! 

FORTY FOUR people so far have said "I want in on this!" 

A talented artist donated her time and skills and created the most beautiful posters and postcards to be used for fundraising.  Those are now posted all over downtown Plymouth.  

An old work-friend donated the printing.  She even dropped them off at my house while my kids napped.

A local chocolate store OFFERED (yes offered) to host a fundraising event.  

A friend of mine who sells books is setting up an online social and donating all of the commissions. 

My Stylist Ashley generously colored my hair as a tribute to it (the hair) and we'll send off the most beautiful braids.  Then she too donated, let me hang a poster at her station and leave post cards for her clients.
*Don't worry, my hair was colored before and so I am donating to Children with Hair loss and they accept both colored and gray hair.  So that's me.  Both of them. 

There's a local group of Young Living consultants that chose THIS as their weekly charity to support. 

The first donation came in from Hilton Head Island from a mom of 5 with a single family income and I will tell you I know that that donation mattered to them.   I know that giving isn't always easy, even when you want to.  I know this because that's the reality in our house.  And she chose this! She said without hesitation "I'm in!"  

Strangers have donated, friends of friends have donated, old bosses have donated and our largest donation so far came from an old high school friend, that with the exception of a recent wedding, I've lost touch with.  The generosity being shown is beautiful to witness and dare I say a ripple effect has begun.

You guys in one week this has moved past what I could ever have done alone.  This is us, all of us!! I set out to spread some love and the love that has been sent out in return is beyond inspiring.  

Here are a few (more) things you should know about what you are supporting:


  • Many adult cancers can be diagnosed early. In 80% of kids, cancer has already spread to other areas of the body by the time it is diagnosed
  • Some cancers almost never strike after the age of 5; others occur most often in teenagers. Even when kids get cancers that adults get—like lymphoma—they must be treated differently. Children are not simply smaller adults!
  • Only 4% of U.S. federal funding is dedicated to childhood cancers.
___________________________________________________________

So here's the thing: I was told yesterday that by whatever metrics are used by the fancy people running this event (Lord know that me and math are about as compatible as me and proper punctuation) that with our current momentum we could reasonably raise $10,000!!! 

Holy shit balls batman!!  TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!  Now, you know I want to do that! Anyone who has spent 10 minutes with me knows I love a good challenge.  What an amazing gift for us to send to St. Baldricks. To send out into the Universe. 

I'm just some girl, sitting in my filthy house, hammering out a few words on our old desk top with a crazy desire to explore the unknown; and now a week later we, as a community, are on the path to spread some MAJOR LOVE.  I'm just so inspired!

I am literally just a head of hair at this point.  This is all you guys! This is the result of your love and your support.  

So kindly here's what I am asking: PLEASE keep spreading the word! Please share this! Please let your friends and family know that there's a quiet group of people who are fundraising for an AMAZING charity and it's snowballing! If you haven't yet, please consider a donation.  This is YOUR chance to be a part of this adventure.  To join our team and to help this little-engine-that-could climb this mountain and deliver big results.  

Are we changing the world? No.  Will we solve all the worlds problems? Nope! BUT WE CARE! We are doing something. We are giving a f*ck.  This will matter!  We are spreading love and it's growing fast.  

I joked in my first post that politics didn't get to me so badly that it caused me to shave my head - that's half true.  I was/am bummed by the divide.  I was bummed by the fear people have and the uncertainty and the people who I see at odds with each other.  I was bummed that politics ended friendships, that as a society we got here.  I felt compelled to do something good, just one small thing - to do something unifying and I have to say, unifying it has been. 

Join us! Please! It's a whole lot of fun over here. 

https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/902148/2017




Monday, February 27, 2017

The shaving of the head - 72 hours later

I was pretty clear in my last post that choosing to donate my hair (read: shave it all off and shamelessly fundraise for St. Baldricks) was equal parts wanting to participate in something unifying, a way for my mom-self to fight against something that keeps me up at night and just plain old-fashion curiosity.  I was hoping that I would learn something about myself when this process was finished. 

It didn't take that long.  48 hours in I was leveled. 

I got asked "why" a lot this weekend and really other than the above glossed over why's I couldn't really drill down to a specific reason.  Not easily.  

I think I was tired.  Tired of all the negative news.  Tired of the divide, the tension, the uncertainty.  

My sister and brother-in-law are waiting on the birth of their second child and also the death of his amazing father.  That's a lot of emotions and I'm only on the outside looking in. 

There's a local news story of a girl named Danielle who disappeared just before Christmas.  She left work and that was it, never heard from again.  This story has captured my attention and I can not watch the local news and see her parents speaking without ugly crying.  I see her beautiful face every day on Facebook. 

We are blessed with healthy children but I have friends whose kids have challenges, real health concerns, real dangers to their future and I know that on a dime our wonderful world could all come crashing down.  

I was just tired. I was overwhelmed. I needed to be uplifted.

So I did what I usually do, I jumped in with two feet and figured I'd learn how to swim while flailing around.

St. Baldricks was an easy choice - they help children.  They help families.  They help parents who sit on the sidelines feeling helpless and lost. This touched me.

Within 48 hours nearly $1100 has been raised towards my $5000 goal.  My social media was set ablaze! I was getting messages from friends and strangers sharing with me their personal stories and telling me how inspired or grateful or selfless I am for doing this.  In a weird way it was like being at my own funeral - you never typically get to hear people telling you such kind and wonderful things about yourself while you're still alive.  Each one of the compliments made me squirm.  I told my best friend "oh my God they're going to find out I'm a fraud.  That I still sometimes say shitty things or do shitty things. I try, but I am not really that good."

Reading your stories over the weekend (they all made me cry) has left me feeling humbled. Many times this weekend I was left speechless, not something that happens often in my world.  I am honored to honor you and to honor your loved ones.  The weight of that I feel and I take seriously. 

Instead of feeling anxious or nervous, now I feel proud to be a part of this.  Proud to be taking such a huge leap.  Proud to do something that made you feel the feels.  The good feels.

Yes, at the end of the road money will be turned over to St. Baldricks, my hair will be sent off for a very thick and long wig (or wigs) and families whose children are battling cancer will know for a moment that they aren't alone and that others care.  People will be honored.  Yes, those are all GREAT, GREAT things and I couldn't do this without supporting and believing in them. 

BUT I really just needed to send some love out.  I felt compelled to send something positive out into the world, and I needed that right now!! I did.  That motivation was not selfless, but rather selfish.  The end result remains the same and that's a great thing I'm proud to be a part of but my motivation was to feel uplifted, not exclusively to uplift.  There's a difference and I feel like a fraud when you kindly call me selfless.

I'm only 72 hours into this and I can tell you with 100% certainty (and that really annoying sentence we all hate) I will get more out of this then I possibly imagined and this will stay with me forever. 

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your donations, your support, you undeserving compliments and your sharing of this story.  St. Baldricks is an amazing organization doing wonderful work for Childhood Cancer research.  I am honored to be a part of their mission for the next few months.  I am thrilled to send some love and light out into the world.  I am grateful for the opportunity and the support.  The good Lord blessed me with the ability to run my mouth and keep no secrets.  It's nice on occasion to use that for good rather than stringing together a bunch of fuckitty-fucks and hitting publish.  

See what I did there.  I'm still just me. 

If the spirit moves you and you'd like to fork over some cash to this truly great cause, please use the link below.  As my accountant recently told us while we were itemizing - EVERYONE WINS when you donate to charity.  THANK YOU!