So - I tee'd up.
ME: J, would you like to watch a movie? Snow White is on TV tonight. I think you'll love it!
J: Sure mom. What's it about?
Me: Well [pause to think] it's about a little girl who lives with her stepmother, who's a witch and so the girl runs away and meets the 7 Dwarfs.
J: What's a witch? Why does she run away?
Me: Well a witch is a person with powers who can do magical stuff and she runs away because [long pause...] um...well...her step mom tries to kill her.
J: Her mom tries to kill her? KILL? Why?
Me: Well...[longer pause as regret sinks in] She wants to kill her because she is very pretty - and very nice.
J: [ wide eyed silent state] She wants to kill her because she's pretty and nice?
Me: Well yes - she's very mean and jealous - but you're missing the point, when she runs away she meets the 7 Dwarfs! They are so fun!!
J: So, does she use her witch powers to kill her?
Me: We're still here, huh? Um no. She tells someone to kill her.
J: HOW! Who? Do they squish her like a grape?
Me: She tells her Huntsmen to kill her - he's like an Army man.
[Fuck dude! Who wrote this fucking story!! What a fucked up message - OMG I'm a millennial mom! Why did I think this was a good idea. I need wine. Husband - look at me and notice the I need wine look. I'm sending you a mental message - yes....yes....Boom! Wine.]
J: HOW!
Me: Well...um....well....he is supposed to cut out her heart.
J: [silent pause] DOES HE??? Does he kill her?
Me: No. He makes a good choice and doesn't hurt her. He lets her go and she runs away into the woods.
J: You always say it's not safe to run away. Is her Daddy with her?
Me: No. Huh, I don't recall him as part of the story. Maybe he's at work (regretting his choice in women)
J: So, she's alone in the woods?
Me: Yes - but that's where she meets the 7 Dwarfs!! And they are sooooo fun!
J: Who are the Dwarfs?
Me: They are 7 men who all live together and work in the woods.
J: Does she know them?
Me: No.
J: So they are strangers?
Me: Yes.
J: Does she know they aren't tricky people
Me: Well...I don't know...yes, maybe....I guess.
J: But you don't let me talk to strangers? They could be tricky people
Me: Well you can if you're being chased by a witch.
J: [wide eyed look of fear] Will a witch try to kill me?
Me: No - sorry. This is all pretend. If you are being chased by a pretend witch you can run into the pretend woods and talk to all the pretend strangers you want to.
J: How do they meet?
Me: Well she hides in their house while they are at work and naps in their beds. When they come home they find her there?
J: So she doesn't know them.
Me: No
J: And she goes into their house
Me: well...yes - but only to hide from the witch [this is melting down quickly]
J: Mom, this movie sounds too scary. Can we watch Deadpool?
Me: OMG! J, for the 100th time, YOU ARE NOT WATCHING DEADPOOL!!! How do you even know the name of that movie? No. Here - Peppa Pig.
