Ugh - Politics.

I'm probably not the only person whose Facebook page has gone back to a hot bed of political posts this past week,  and for anyone reading this who is also on my Facebook page you know I'm right there in the thick of it too.  

So much to debate!

So many opinions to share!

So many people to convenience!

So many words to justify our beliefs!

So many people left only to defend their view point rather than celebrate that they have a fucking view point in the first place!

America is in an unhappy marriage, and it seems to be constantly discussing hot topics and touchy issues with a renewed passion for position.  I think this is mostly a good thing but I also hope over the next 4 years we really do find a way to bridge the gap between us and heal, not just continue to debate and call names.

I subscribe to a variety of news and blogs from all sides, and I have a diverse group of friends also sharing additional writings from all sides.  And I read these, and I appreciate the conversations that come out of them.  However, maybe I am just reading the wrong posts from the wrong groups but I've noticed that most of what I read, from BOTH SIDES, seems to subscribe to this tone:  

"THIS is why I'm right and you're wrong and if you would just agree to this point, this point, and this point you'd see clearly how wrong you are." 

- OR -

"It's so clearly THIS! You must be too [fill in negative statement about the opposing side] to see it this way"

Oh my God!  America needs couples therapy!! Fuuuuck! Every group seems to be trying to convince the opposing side of their views; we are fighting to win, not fighting to understand.  And I'm guilty of this myself.

What if we are all wrong and all a little bit right? What if we stop trying to convince our neighbors to see the world our way and instead we begin to tell our neighbors how we feel about and view the world and why. What if as the neighbor we stop trying to sell our own agenda and instead we truly listen and seek to understand someone who seems "unreasonable"?

What if we all made it our new mantra: "You can't have it all, all at the same time" and we truly and sincerely started to look for places of compromise. 

Our politicians, no matter who they are, will not stand a chance against us if we figure out how to solve our differences and work towards solutions, not wins.  We elect them.  We vote on the issues.  We can choose to continue arguing to win, to convince,  to point out flaws, shortcomings or imbalances  (This never works in my marriage.  Maybe it's just me)  or we can consider that we are a DIVERSE collection of unique and beautiful individuals.  This country is a melting pot of different religions, theologies and political views - many of which may be 180 degrees from your own beliefs. You are not going to get everything you want.  Don't worry, no one will.

Perhaps all of our answers lie someplace right in the middle -  but it takes bravery to stop fighting to win your side and instead to look for areas of compromise.  We are however the "home of the brave" so I still believe in us.

Any good marriage counselor will tell you respectful communication and a sincere desire to understand, even to empathize with the other persons view, is a great place to start when you disagree.  

I know this.  I'm on my second marriage.  

Not every thought is going to be a gem

My brain is a crazy whackadoodle place that is mostly manageable - until it's not.  

I remind myself that EVERYONE has their story, their own whackadoodle thoughts and most days this helps me feel normal, helps me rationalize my own fears and insecurities and demons and on other days I just feel exhausted and over it.  

I picked up my bag of shit young, and more than 25 years later I find that I still, on a daily basis, have to choose, "will I breath life into this thought or will I extinguish it?"  

This may be one of the greatest lessons I've learned (through therapy) and that I am still learning through constant practice.  I hope to teach this to my children: YOU CAN control your thoughts! You CAN give them life, nurture them and let them grow roots or you CAN say, "nope! not today,  out with you" and you have the amazing ability to redirect your brain and boot out the poison that shows up without an invitation.  

Not every thought needs to be entertained! Not every one will be a gem. I have a toddler - trust me, some thoughts are just space filler while your brain is allowed to wander. 

For me though here's the thing: I will struggle with this forever! But I have yet to meet someone who doesn't also carry around their own bucket of crazy.  We are all fucking nuts.  All of us.  For me, there will most likely never be a day when my brain doesn't invite in anger, or fear, or panic or resentment or self pity, but just because it's there doesn't mean I have to host it.  I may not have chosen the event that triggered this, but I do get to choose what stays and what goes.  I have that power.  I get to control that.  

I can be angry that this is now a part of how I function or I can just make peace with the fact that I was changed by a traumatic event and now that's a part of my tapestry like it or not.  

I choose peace.

Maybe this is one of the reasons I'm such a "living out loud" kind of girl; sharing my crazy - either by verbalizing it or writing it I am able to rationalize it, which helps me then to box it back up and give it a cozy home in the "shit we don't entertain" corner of my brain.  It's when I try to hold it all in, when I let myself believe I am the ONLY ONE with damage or when I quietly pretend that I'm not freaking-the-fuck out that I let my guard down just enough for those little buggers to grow some roots.  I am an ugly person when my brain is overrun with weeds!!  Trust me, it's a lot easier to pull out one weed than to pull out a thousand. So grab them one-at-a-time as they come and don't ever stop.  

I believe this is all part of the human experience, what makes us amazing, resilient, dynamic and empathetic souls.  Our damage is part of what makes us beautiful.  Celebrate that you are a survivor rather than living as if you've been a victim.  And when all else fails, ask for help.  Asking for help is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and I'm always a fan of a good gift.